The Power of Positive Mindset to Change Destiny!
“Blaming someone will not change our life and destiny.”
At one stage, all of us go through significant and unexpected life events such as losing a loved one, losing a job, illness, an accident, or victim of violence. Also, there is a situation when we think that life is unfair especially when we did not do anything wrong, and we are the victim.
It is a natural response when we start blaming someone who caused a great tribulation in our life, particularly for the victim of violence. They are technically ruining someone’s else life.
We focus on our calamity and the perpetrator until we forget to focus on our lives to move forward. One psychologist advised me that “nobody can make you happy except yourself. “
“You are the creator of your happiness.”
Upon hearing that, I was so upset, especially knowing that I did not do anything wrong. After deep reflection and contemplation, although the statement seems to be a paradox, finally I have to agree with her advice.
To build our happy life again, we need to focus on ourselves and not on the tribulations that happened to us in the past. Also, we need to stop blaming the perpetrators who ruin our lives.
“Blaming someone will not change our life and destiny.”
Instead, we should cultivate the positive mindset that we are in control of our lives, and we need to take ownership and responsibility for the happiness in our lives.
1. Acknowledging the current situation
The first thing that we need to do is acknowledge our current situation truthfully. We acknowledge that the experience is excruciating.
We need to seek support and help from our family, friends, or even from the professional. If necessary, please ask the medications prescribed by the general practitioner to help us.
Secondly, we need to express our emotions. Letting out of all the negative emotions verbally or in writing. Letting out negative emotions is not the same as complaining or whining.
According to psychologists, letting out our emotions is healthy. So, in the future, it will not go to our subconscious mind. To heal from the trauma completely, letting out emotion is very crucial.
Letting out the emotion is just like pouring out all the negative liquid from the tank. The tank will be empty and there will be no negative emotion left in our subconscious mind.
On the contrary, suppressing negative emotions is very damaging. All the negative emotions will sink and stay in our subconscious mind. In the event, we experience something that triggers our subconscious mind, we do not have any coping mechanism, and we have to go through the trauma and healing process once more.
2. Victim mindset or survivor mindset
Victim mindset generally focuses on the perpetrator. We blame the perpetrator that causes great adversity in our lives. We do not focus on improving our lives to be better and happy.
Survivor mindset focuses on our lives. We are in control and taking ownership of our life. “Nobody can make you happy except yourself”. It is a hard statement but true.
Let’s use this analogy…….
Imagine we were invited to the party and there was a mistake on the invitation card, it was the wrong address. Then we were lost. We had two choices using a negative or positive mindset.
Firstly, using the negative mindset. We complained and blamed someone that made us lose. The focus was on someone’s else mistake, and because of them, we missed the party. There was nothing we could do, then we decided to go back home and felt miserable for the entire night.
Secondly, using a positive mindset. We realized that we were lost but at the same time, we were determined not to miss the party. The focus was on the party and us to be happy.
We would like to have fun and build up a strong connection with our friends. We knew that we were in control of our situation, so we decided to make a phone call to the host of the party to get the right address.
Eventually, we were able to attend the great party, although we missed by 30 minutes. The point was, we still had some fun and had a great connection with our friends.
To change our lives better, we have to cultivate a positive mindset. We need to have a positive vision of what our happy life would be. From the vision, we plan our blueprint and our goals, then we execute the goals. Every progress matters: even the progress looks like a baby step. It is still progressing.
3. Remove negative feeling
Wow, it is easier to talk than done, right? Nobody could do that. We are all human. Of course, we would have some negative feelings. What should we do when a negative feeling occurs?
Firstly, please note that there is a difference between emotion and feeling. Emotion comes from our body, such as happy, angry, hungry, sad, frustrated, excited and energetic.
From the emotion (our body), it eventually builds up to a ‘feeling’ (our thought) such as feeling insecure, jealous, greedy, vindictive, etc.
The strategy to stop negative emotions going forward into negative feelings is acknowledging the negative emotion and saying a strong affirmation that ‘it is alright to feel that way, but we decide to make ourselves better whatever it takes’. We need to remove all negative thoughts (our feelings).
How to remove negative feelings (our thoughts) when we feel that life is so unfair, and we do not deserve that at all? When the negative feeling (our thought) enters our mind, we need to acknowledge that our thought is not real.
Let’s say we have the vindictive feeling and would like to retaliate. What would we do? Vindictive feeling and the thought of retaliation, it is still a thought. It is not real unless we make it happen by planning it and executing the plan.
Once we realise that the negative feeling entering our mind, we need to remove it by doing something that makes us feel good, such as exercising, doing hobbies, listening to music, dancing, etc.
Once we have positive emotions (happiness, excitement), then we should start journaling and write down affirmations to build a determination of our aim to achieve a happy life.
We need to write down our vision of what we are going to be and our goal to have a happy life. Write down the plan and how to achieve that. Then we commit to executing the plan.
Keep doing that every time the negative feeling occurs, daily. Also, surround us with positive people who support us. At this time, we should set up a boundary with negative people. It is critical.
Read self-help books, and personal development books, listen to empowerment podcasts, and have a chat with positive people (counselors, psychologists, coaches) to empower and inspire us to head a happy life.
Do not let something happen in the past dictate our future. The past does not equal the future.